what's the point?

It's been a year since I've officially been diagnosed with lupus. I wish I could say that everything is great now but that wouldn’t be true. Things are a lot better than there were last November but worse than they were 3 months ago. When I first was given the diagnoses I fought the drugs. I’ve taken the steroids before and I don’t like the side effects. But after 3 months of 3600 milligrams of ibuprofen and still constant pain I gave up and started to take the steroids (40 mg) in a very high dose. I took that dose for almost 6 months before I switched doctors. (A much needed decision for my sanity). My new doctor is much better, shorter wait times, easily accessible and close to work. She also understood my dislike for the steroids and has been working with me to find alternative medications that will control the pain but will allow me to stop taking the steroids. She has been backing me down to 15mg now with the hope of soon dropping down to 10mg and then maybe off them all together. Great news right?? It’s what I’ve wanted from the first day I started taking these awful drugs. It turns out not so great. Since I’ve been down to 15mg of steroids the pain has come back. I’ve noticed an increase in joint swelling, muscle pains and aches, inability to sleep through the night and an overall lack of energy. I have trouble falling asleep, when I do fall asleep I can sleep for10-12 hours yet I wake up feel exhausted and I often have trouble waking up. Today I parked at the end of the parking lot because it’s the holidays and there’s no parking near the front of the store. Yet as I hobbled to the store I found myself thinking I need a handicap parking permit because I can’t walk. I’m 27 years old, I shouldn’t need a handicap permit, I’m not disabled. What’s wrong with me? Yet all the same I wish I had the stupid permit so I wouldn’t have to hobble across the parking lot.


It seems the solution is to up the dose of the steroids again. But then I’m stuck with the side effects. Extended taking of steroids can among other things increase the risk of Osteoporosis. The doctor has also up some of the other drugs to allow me to lower the steroids dosage. The side affect of one of the new drugs includes nausea. So in addition to my daily pain I also usually experience decent amounts of Nassau in the mornings. (If this is anything like what pregnant women experience as a part of morning sickness it’s yet another reason why I’m not having kids). All of this leaves me wondering what the point is. The medicines help but the side effects suck. But nothing is a real fix. I’m either screwing up my body with all the drugs or I’m living in pretty much constant pain.

I’ve also found that in the last few weeks I’ve become a less pleasant person. I’m tired, easily irritable, and generally unpleasant to be around. I don’t want to be around people and when I am I really just want to smack most of them. (Great company right). But since I can feel my personality changing and I don’t like it I find myself looking for a way to change it. So I’ve come up with what I believe will be a workable solution. I’m going to run the San Francisco Marathon at the end of July. I mean training for a Marathon in painful enough by itself but you add to it training to run in the hills of San Francisco and that’s got to inflict incredible amounts of pain of one’s body right? I figure that if I’m going to be in pain all the time it might as well be for a good reason. And if I hurt from training for the Marathon maybe I’ll forget the pain is from the lupus instead. OR at least I won’t be able to tell which one is the true cause of the pain. Of course all the medical websites say running (especially a marathon) is one of the worst types of exercise for people with lupus but when have I ever actually followed a doctor’s advice. At least when I cross the finish line in San Francisco it will be worth the hurt. As opposed to now, when there isn’t a good reason for the hurt.

Of course because I’m not a total idiot I’m waiting to officially sign up for the marathon until I get clearance from my doctor, who I don’t see again until the middle of January. But just because I don’t see her until then doesn’t mean I can’t start training now. I should be able to get in a good month of training by the time I visit her so I’ll have a realistic idea of what the pain will be like. Another reason to run the marathon is that I’ve always wanted to go to San Francisco. So hopefully you’ll see me in San Francisco in July and it will be as I cross the finish line of the marathon having run 26.2 miles through the hills of the city by the bay. At that point I’ve have a real reason to hurt.

Hurricane preparedness tips

One of the blogs I enjoy ever so much had some great tips now that hurricane season is upon us.  These tips were just too good not to share:

As Hurricane Earl bears down on the north eastern United States, many of our readers from NY to Massachusetts to Cape Cod to Maine, are writing and asking serious questions about hurricane preparedness. In an effort to help our inexperienced northern brethren, we proudly publish Rumpole's Rules For Hurricanes. (c) 2010, all rights reserved.


Q) When is the right time to evacuate?

A) Excellent question. Remember: "Time is on your side". Avoid the early rush to evacuate. As you will learn, hurricane land falls are notoriously difficult to predict. At any given moment a hurricane may wobble fifty miles in any direction. Therefore, we here in Miami have learned to wait until the last moment. Only when the hurricane is mere miles away and you are sure the eye will pass over you, should you then consider packing up the SUV and loading the family and evacuating in land.

Q) I have decided to hunker down. What can I do to prepare my home?

A) Good for you. Studies have shown that it is safer to be in your home during a hurricane than anywhere else. Two words sum up what will make your home safe: duct tape. Yup- duct tape the whole damn house. Start with the windows, move to the doors and then use an "X" design on all interior walls. No force of nature can blow down a wall supported by a properly placed "X" made out of duct tape.

Q) Do I need to upgrade my insurance?

A) No. Insurance companies are well prepared for rare natural disasters and you will be fully covered.

Q) Assume the worst and the storm hits my town and the power goes out. Where do I get a generator from?

A) FEMA ( Federal Emergency Makeshift Association) will send two guys named Ernesto and Ricky to your block with government approved generators which they will carrying in the back of their van. Cash only.

Q) I keep hearing about a storm surge. What exactly is it?

A) Prior to the storm, your local television stations will whip the populace into a frenzy, liberally lacing fear with the need to rush out to the local Home Depot and buy as much water, batteries, lumber, and flashlights as your credit cards will allow before your neighbor does. The mass of people descending upon Home Depot is what storm forecasters call the "storm surge."

Q) I have a charcoal barbecue grill. Can I bring it inside to cook and boil water when the power is out? I am worried about carbon monoxide.

A) Absolutely. This is a charming and quaint custom whose roots can be traced back to a small town in Miami called Hialeah. By bringing the gill inside, you greatly increase the convenience of cooking food and boiling water. Carbon monoxide is an odorless and tasteless gas. As they say in Hialeah, "what you can't see or smell can't hurt you."

Well, there you have it. A few simple rules to follow and those of you from Cape Hatteras to Cape Cod can safely enjoy hurricane Earl.

Missing Ingredients

I made home made chocolate chip cookies today only to discover that I'm out of baking soda, so the cookies won't rise properly.  Guess I'll just have to eat the cookie dough.  Bummer :)

Lilac sent

Brief Update

1. Elbow seems to be doing well, the incision has closed up and there is no new swelling
2. It is HOTTT here in Miami (over 100 the last few days)
3. Work has been crazy busy
4. Have two much needed upcoming vacations. Vegas in September with friends and the Caribbean with family in October
5. Bought a new candle a while back. Its lilac scent and I'm loving it. It smells like spring time in Nebraska. My parents have a row of lilac bushes in the yard and growing up I'd sleep with the windows open and wake to the smell of fresh lilacs in the morning. Since it’s so ridiculously hot here in Miami I can't sleep with the windows open so

more elbow pics

Elbow Update

So the orthopedic surgeon says the elbow stays open. And that I have to dress and pack in twice a day until it closes naturally. Uck!! Watching the Doctor slice my elbow open, blood and puss ooze out and seeing the doctor dig around in my elbow with scissors to clean out all the infection didn't bother me a bit. But the idea of sticking gauze in my elbow twice a day actually makes me a little bit nauseous. Uck. So wish me a speedy recovery and that the lupus doesn't slow down my healing time. Because if my elbow takes months to heal I'm not going to be a happy camper.

Enjoy the grossness :)

See what a difference 10 days can make

modern medicine sucks!!!!

I went to the Doctor that I love oh so much on Friday for another one of our delightful chats and for the first time ever I actually left thinking hey....maybe this guy isn't a total idiot. My right elbow has been red and swollen for quite some time now and the doctor suggested a steroid shot to help with the swelling. But he said and I quote "I'm not sure how much this will help the swelling but I can drain your elbow and give you a steroid shot if you want" I thought sure with such promising results why the heck not. Go ahead and stick a needle in my elbow, drain it and then fill it back up with more liquid. Sounds like a great idea. But then I thought maybe it will work, it’s worth a shot, what's the worst that can happen? So I let the Doctor drain my elbow (there wasn't much to drain) and give me a shot (he put in about 10x as much liquid as he took out). Well Friday afternoon there was no change, Saturday the redness was gone but my elbow was still swollen, and Sunday my elbow was back to normal again. I thought wow! The Doctor actually knows what he was talking about. Maybe he isn't a complete idiot after all. Silly Me! Monday night I couldn't sleep very well because my elbow bone hurt and I could feel it swelling all night long. Tuesday morning I awoke (exhausted from very little sleep I might add) to find my elbow red, swollen to about twice its normal size and now in pain. Wednesday not only was my elbow about 2 1/2 times its normal size, red and sore my left shoulder bone and clavacal were also sore and swollen and tonight the pads of my feet hurt to walkd and my fingers are swollen too.

You can only see the redness from the top but when you elbow looks like a knee you know something is wrong.

In all fairness to the doctor I realize the new symptoms are probably not a direct result of the shot he gave me but how unfair of him to toy with my emotions like that. I was excited that my elbow was back to normal. Really excited and then a mere day later not only was my elbow swollen but it looks worse that before the shot. At what point are these drugs supposed to do anything other than make me fat. I'd like them to make me feel better and maybe get rid of the pain and the swelling.
I mean you people went to 7 years of school for a reason. Fix me already!!!

Whose says you can only have pumpkin pie for thanksgiving?

Not me.. that's for sure.  When you have culinary skills like mine they should be shared with the world year round not just on Holidays.  So not to brag....okay so to brag just a little bit...I made the world's best pumpkin pie yesterday!!! And I'm not just saying that. I like to cook/bake when I'm bored and I had a free night yesterday so I whipped up a pumpkin pie. Being the thoughtful person that I am I brought the pie to work to share with all my co-workers. (Okay so it wasn't so much about sharing with them as me not eating the whole thing by myself).


Everyone at work commented on how delicious my pie was. A few people even said it was the best pumpkin pie they ever had. I do have to say the pie came out pretty spectacular. It was perfectly shaped. The crust was perfectly flakey and the top was level and smooth without any cracks!! I often stop to think that I should be amazed with myself. I mean I am just so darn talented. And then I remember there is no need for shock and awe and my skillfulness. Because let's be honest...I'm pretty freaking amazing at everything I do

When are you truely forgiven??

I have a client that committed a heinous crime 20 years ago. He spent 4 years in prison followed by 10 more years on probation. This is a man who has truly changed. Since his release from prison 16 years ago this man hasn't had so much as a parking ticket. But the State of Florida and the City of Miami in their infinite wisdom have made it virtually impossible for this man live anywhere within Miami-Dade County. This man is not allowed to live within 2500 feet of a school, church, daycare, preschool. What this does in effect leaves nowhere for my client to live. He can't get a job because of his criminal record and he can't afford to live in any of the few places in Miami that don't fall within the restricted zones because he has no job and no money.


My client was peacefully going about his life trying to find work and mind his own business when he was arrested and hauled off to jail for living in a restricted zone. And now the state wants to put him in jail for a minimum of 30 days because of where he could afford to live???? And with a new conviction, even a misdemeanor one, it will be even more difficult to get a job and to be able to afford to live outside of the restricted zone.

The state attorney tells me that she's being generous and only asking for 30 days. If my client decides to take his case to trial she's going to be seeking 60 days. 30 days??? 30 days for something he did 20 years ago? 30 days for a man who has paid his debt over and over again. 30 days for a man who continues to pay his debt every time he is denied employment because of his criminal record. When is enough a enough?

I don't know what's more frustrating? Knowing by not being well off and able to afford to live in a non restricted zone this man broke the law. Knowing that if we go to trial will lose. Knowing that there is nothing I can do for this man. I'm his lawyer and I'm supposed to be able to help him but I'll I can say is you should consider the plea of 30 days you don't have a good trial case. Or knowing that as a society we say we believe in redemption and rehabilitation but when it comes right down to it, we don't... not really.. Instead we hold strong to the belief that once a criminal always a criminal. It’s only a matter of time before this man offends again. So its better that we treat him as something less than human, then give him the chance to offend again.

Forgiveness...sadly it’s a little too elusive in our criminal justice system.

Swearing in Ceremony

Thoughts... or questions perhaps?

1. Huskies in Miami  Yes or No?
I vote yes because they are just so darn cute. 
2. Summers in Miami Yes or No?
I vote no because they are just so darn hot!
3. Colorado or California?  Which state bar do I take next???
4. July or February??  Do I take my next bar in July or wait until February '11 like originally planned?
5.  Will any of my cases ever go to trial???
I'm comming up on two months at the PD's office and I still haven't had a single case go to trial.  Darn it I want to cross examine so witness!!!
6.On the plus side apparently my job isn't that stressful because I seem to have kicked my nail bitting habbit in the but.  After twenty something years of being an avid nail biter I have managed to go 2 whole months without bitting them once (hopefully I'm not jinxing myself here)
7. Summer vacation spots??  (any suggestions...remember I'm on a state government employee salary here).

Mr. Yum's

Only the best Sushi ever.   Bond is seriously one of the nicest guys ever, in addittion to owning an phenominal restaurant.!!!  Tonight he provided us with all of this AMAZING   (AMAZING being the key word) food free of charge.    Mr. Yum's   is absolutely worth checking out.  While you wouldn't think Calle Ocho is the place to go for sushi it is without a doubt the best sushi in MIAMI...  I recomend the Calle Ocho Tuna and the Duck salal but I've never had a bad dish there ever.   Everything is fantastic,  including the service..

Mr. Yum doesn't even begin to describe this food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Valerie L. Cole Esq.

Yes that is correct.  I passed the Florida Bar.  It's an amazing feeling.  It actually seems real now.  All my hard work wasn't for nothing.  I'm an attorney.  I love saying that.  And yes you too can now tell everyone "I'll have to consult my attorney first."  Yes that's right you can come to me for legal advice.  What a thought right??  I passed both sections of the Bar Exam individually which is great.  (You can also pass if you score really high on one portion and the average of the two scores is a 136).  Florida announces pass/fail first and you get your individual scores  later in the mail. But all that matters is that I passed!! Per the Florida Supreme Court Website here are my official results:

Applicant                Part A                  Part B                   Overall                  Authorization to be Sworn In


File Number          Status                    Status                    Status

25108                    pass                       pass                      pass                       yes

I'm getting sworn in tomorrow at 5pm.  Can't wait.
 

I heart the 80's

The 80's was/is the greatest decade ever and not only because I was born in the 80's.  Everything about the 80's rocks. The music, the clothes, the hair, the colors.  I've just created a new radio station on my Pandora Radio "totally" dedicated to the 80's and I want to dance and/or sing along with everysong.  How can you not be in a good mood with songs like Corey Hart's Sunglasses at Night, Madonna's Material Girl, Bon Jovi's You Give Love a Bad Namer Journey's Open Arms.  

So now I come to you with open arms nothing to hide believe what I say......so here they are in their full glory.  Hoping you'll see what the 80's mean to me...with open arms.

Here are some of my favorite 80's classic's:

Really what's better than big hair, safety pin earings, hot pink heels with leg warmers and a head band?   I say we all start bring back the classic 80's style in our everyday.  Let's make Wednesday 80's tribute day.  You can tease your hair just a little bit bigger, wear the spandex,  or rock the neon colors.  And you can "totally" use all the "rad" and "far out" terms those kool cats back in the 80's use.


I seriously love this radio station all 80's all the time.

Is it Monday yet???

Aparently Patience is not my middle name

Le Menu

Don't you wish you could cook like me??  Or at least lived close enough to stop by for Easter dinner?

The guests will be arriving around 12pm with dinner to be served at 1pm. 

Drinks: Water, Ice Tea, and Red (carbernet sauvignon, pinot noir, & chriaz) and White Wine (chardonnay)
Appatizers: Spanakotipa (spinach & feeta triangles) Brie Cheese and crackers, & a raspberry peach cream cheese spread

Salad: Grand Parisian Salad (mixed greens with a white valsamic dressin, frosted almonds, dried cranberries & feta cheese)

Sides: Glazed Baby Carrots, Parsley Mashed Red Potatoes, Baked Ricotta w/ Tomatoe Vinaigerette, and Strawberry Coolwhip Delight, Marshmallow sweet biscuits

Main course: Maple Orange Glazed Ham (with just a hint of Bourbon)

Dessert: Chocolate Fondue with various fruits and goodies.

And of course lots of good company and great conversation

~HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE~

I just want to know

So that thing I wasn't going to talk about again....the bar exam.  Well its getting close to that time and I just REALLY REALLY REALLY want to know how I did.  The longer I have to wait the more the suspense is killing me.  Just tell me my results already.  The waiting to know if I passed or not is much worse that knowing the results (or so I hope).  The longer I have to wait the more undecided I become.  I hope I passed but either way just get it over with.  Pull the knife out, rip off the bandage or whatever other cliche you want to use just make it be April 12th already.  PLEASE, PLEASE, Pretty Please????

An Open Letter to Uncle Sam

Dear Uncle Sam,

You Suck!!!  You are my least favorite Uncle.  All you ever do is take, take, and take some more.  I filled my taxes today.  What a joke.  I have a negative groos income and yet you still took 18% of my paycheck today.  And then with the money I do have left you take sales tax everytime I buy necessities.  You take Social Security but will I ever see any of it?  I don't like supporting you..  No Not One Bit!!!  I don't like you or your government so why should I pay for your continued incompetence??  Though I'm not a big fan of the Trumpster he pretty much can sum everything you need to know in two little words...You're fired!!!

PS.  Since you are now fired I will no longer be paying you a salary.  Good luck in the unemployment line with the rest of America!!!  See how you feel about free healthcare when you no longer have any income.

Suggestions

Now that I'm done with law school I have lots of free time on my hands, especially in the evenings and I need a hobby to occupy my time.  Any and all suggestions will be taken under advisement.  Feel free to list as many as you can and remember free is always good!

Barrister's Ball was last night AKA Law School Prom. 

Laffy Taffy

I was in the checkout line at Target and lo and behold what should I find?  Cherry Laffy Taffy. It immediately reminded me of my favorite food at football games when I was younger, so I of course had to buy one.


Sometimes things aren't every as good as the memory of them, but that my friends was not the case today. My first bite into the soft and chewy taffy was every bit as good as I remembered it. The cherry flavor rushed to my taste buds and memories came flooding back. My grandpa picking up the grandkids to take us to the football games. Sitting in the car (or later his pink truck) watching the game and discussing whatever topic seemed important at the time. Him giving each of us a dollar to spend at the concession stand. Going to the concession stand and deciding between 1 grape and 1 cherry laffy taffies or 2 cherry laffy taffies. Eating the laffy taffy like a sucker savoring ever last bit of it. Stretching the taffy into long strands. Sitting in the stands and watching the cheerleaders.

It's amazing how many memories a single piece of candy can stir up. I can honestly say that it was the best $0.67 I have spent in a very long time. And the memories are priceless. (Ohh and if any credit card companies are reading this and would like to hire me as a spoke person I did pay with my MasterCard.)

Classic

Nebraska at it's finest

Quote of the day...

"I'm so glad you are my lawyer, you look like a real lawyer."


Anyone know what a fake lawyer looks like???

I love my clients they totally make my day.

Please be dressed appropriately

With my first trial, with my own clients, scheduled to start tomorrow, I'm sitting on the couch enjoying a lovely glass of red wine and listening to an easy listening station on Sirius XM. And my only thought is that I hope my client is dressed appropriately for court. You would be surprised what people wear or don’t wear to court. It is of course a jury trial so appearances matter and I haven't been able to get a hold of her to remind her tomorrow the trial is tomorrow or to tell her what is and isn't courtroom appropriate attire. I would call her but of course the phone numbers we have on file are no longer working numbers and she has made no attempt to contact our office to inquire into her case. I have a festive green shirt picked out for tomorrow. I'm prepared for trial but will she be?




And this of course leads me into my next train of thought...how incredible grown up I've become. Not because I've have a grown up job, have graduated law school, or even that I'm over 25. No the realization that I've come to is that I rather enjoy red wine. I like drinking it in my pretty beaded glasses my Aunt & Uncle gave me two Christmases ago. I like the smell of red wine. And I like the taste. I used to dislike all wines but especially red wines. My taste buds have matured and that can only mean one thing, I'm a real grown up. ~Cheers~

No words...

Do you ever just want to SCREAM?  That's how I feel right now.  I want to scream at the top of my lungs untill I can't scream anymore.  I don't want to talk, I don't want to be quite I just want to scream....but really what's the point?  Screaming won't accomplish anything, it doesn't change anything.  And it would probably just annoy my roommates.  What's a girl to do.

The last two weeks or so I've been in a considerable amount of pain.  I thought that it was probably just a flair up of the lupus, but then I got a call from my Doctor tonight.  (you know its serious when your doctor calls you at 8:30 at night) to tell me that my blood tests look really bad and he wants the number of my pharmacy now so he can call in an emergency perscription for steroids.  And at the same time schedule additional blood tests.  All the while moving up my appointment for no later than early next week. (he'll make his office squeze me in). 

Everything was going so well.  I was realatively pain free for almost 3 months without steroids and now this. I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm frusterated, I want to scream!!!  And at the same time I keep telling myself it could be worse.  In fact people that are close to me are in much worse situations.  I know I should be greatful that I'm not in their situation but I'm not.  It just makes me angrier because none of us should be in this situation.  I still just want to scream.

White Bows

I love boxes with little white bows. 

This one is one of my favorites from a trip to NYC.

Knowing how much I like boxes with white bows my parents sent me this one yesterday.

And what you may ask is even better that boxes with white bows????  What's inside the box of course.

I'm Back!

My two month hiatous from the world is over and is hopefully not to be repeated.  The grueling 2 day 12 hour maddness Florida likes to call the bar exam is over.  Don't ask me how it went I really don't know,  I don't feel great about it.  I keep thinking I didn't right enough on the essay questions and on the multiple choice questions every time I narrowed it down to two I picked the wrong answer.  I suppose everyone feels that way to a certain extent.  However, as of this moment I will not utter another sentence containg the phrase Bar Exam until after the results are in.  Which for those of you that are wondering is 6-8 weeks.

I now have 4 days to do everything that I haven't been able to do for the last 2 months.  I've made phone calls to all the people I've been ignoring (Thank you for your patience and understanding!!)  I didn't mean to ignore you.  Okay so I did choose to ignore you but it was for a really really good reason, to study. 

I only have 4 days off because I start work on Monday.  I really excited about this.  I can't wait to go back to work because I really enjoy my job and I'm excited to have my own clients.  I just found out this morning that I'm going to be starting in County Court.  I'm excited but terrified at the same time.  I'll be doing jury trials right away and if I lose my clients will be facing actual jail time (No pressure!).  On the plus side I will soon be able to defend DUI cases.  A skill that I'm sure at least one or two of my friends will utilize at some point in the future.  And it should also bring many more great client stories for me to share with all of you. 

The state or fact of being possible

Possibilities is perhaps one of the single greatest words in the English language. Think about it and what it encompasses (The possibilities are limitless). It’s such a positive word. The definition, "the state or fact of being possible" inspires hope. Anything is possible. That's such a powerful thought. Anything is possible.


Consider the old adage when one door closes another door opens. Most people think of that closing door as a negative thing. But what about all the possibilities that it creates? You can embark on any new number of possibilities. You might take a whole new course of action that you would have never done if it wasn't for the closing door.

Possibilities are new and exciting. They can take you new places and open you up to new experiences.

My possibilities are limitless. I can stay in Miami and practice law for a couple of years or I can make Miami my permanent home. Each choice will open up a whole set of different possibilities. It’s kind of awe inspiring. What possibilities await you??

Perspective

It never ceases to amaze me how much perspective really differs. For example take the weather. I am thoroughly enjoying the Miami weather right now. It’s 45 and drizzly and I love it. It’s the type of weather a native Seattle person would likely call typical and dreary. And it’s the type of weather that a native Miami person refers to as freezing rain (I actually heard someone at the post office refer to the rain as freezing rain, she also was in a hurry did get home so she wouldn't be driving on any ice). And it's the same weather I consider beautiful. It’s amazing how perspective can alter our viewpoints so much. Three people can have three completely different ideas about the exact same thing. Of course my perspective is biased by the fact that I’ve been missing the changes in seasons something fierce and the cooler air and rain is a welcome break from the typically Miami sun. But it makes me wonder is anything really good or bad?? Or is it all just perspective? I've decided that I'm going to try to spend that next few weeks trying to recognize different perspectives in everyday life.
I'll let you know how it turns out.