No words...

Do you ever just want to SCREAM?  That's how I feel right now.  I want to scream at the top of my lungs untill I can't scream anymore.  I don't want to talk, I don't want to be quite I just want to scream....but really what's the point?  Screaming won't accomplish anything, it doesn't change anything.  And it would probably just annoy my roommates.  What's a girl to do.

The last two weeks or so I've been in a considerable amount of pain.  I thought that it was probably just a flair up of the lupus, but then I got a call from my Doctor tonight.  (you know its serious when your doctor calls you at 8:30 at night) to tell me that my blood tests look really bad and he wants the number of my pharmacy now so he can call in an emergency perscription for steroids.  And at the same time schedule additional blood tests.  All the while moving up my appointment for no later than early next week. (he'll make his office squeze me in). 

Everything was going so well.  I was realatively pain free for almost 3 months without steroids and now this. I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm frusterated, I want to scream!!!  And at the same time I keep telling myself it could be worse.  In fact people that are close to me are in much worse situations.  I know I should be greatful that I'm not in their situation but I'm not.  It just makes me angrier because none of us should be in this situation.  I still just want to scream.